of me and estha

Estha had always been a quiet child, so no one could pinpoint with any degree of accuracy exactly when (the year, if not the month or day) he had stop talking. Stop talking altogether, that is. The fact is that there wasn't an "exactly when". It had been a gradual winding down and closing shop. A barely noticeable quietening. As though he had simply run out of conversation and had nothing left to say. Yet Estha's silence was never awkward. Never intrusive. Never noisy. It wasn't an accusing, protesting silence as mush as a sort of estivation, a dormancy, the psychological equivalent of what lungfish do to get themselves through the dry season, except that in Estha's case the dry season looked as though it would last forever.

Over time he had acquired the ability to blend into the background of wherever he was - into bookshelves, gardens, curtains, doorways, streets - to appear inanimate, almost invisible to the untrained eye. It usually took strangers awhile to notice him even when they were in the same room with him. It took them even longer to notice that he never spoke. Some never noticed at all.

Estha occupied very little space in the world. (Excerpt from The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, 1997)

There you go. Description of one of the main character from a book I'm currently reading. Change the name to mine; his to hers; he to she and him to her; it'll explain me myself. I believe that I'm these silent. Well, it has always been like that. It's difficult to actually change that. Not that I don't try, but the truth is after a while, I got tired..exhausted of being verbal and talkative. Seriously.

And it's not strange when people start asking things like "how come you know things while being a quiet person eh?" or "you? a journalist? of all people? of all our friends?" or they'll just give me that strange look after one or two times meeting me.

And I also believe Ayah must have some sort of difficulties to answer question from a neighbor recently, "Your daughter ..so quiet also can be a reporter ah?". Well, Ayah told me that he answered, "yes she can". :D Well, of course he will answer that, silly.

Well, being the person I am, I feel even stranger (if there such word...). But I guess I'm just an introvert. And I'm aware about this characteristic of mine. I believe that I'm also aware of what I'm doing.. my job and all.. I do things when I really gotta do them and seldom put pressure on myself. And yeah, that'll lead us to a question like - Does that make me look like I'm not taking things seriously?... Judge me only when u know me inside out.


"The unnatural, that too is natural"~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"There is a strength of quiet endurance as significant of courage as the most daring feat of prowess"~Henry Tuckerman